The Journey of Surrender

I moved (back) to NYC a few months ago. Leaving my immediate family household, and if there is anything that I've taken away during this time is that God is walking with me. In this time, I’m learning a whole NEW level of what it looks like to trust Him. Change and growth can be exciting but very much so scary… I just started my digital marketing agency and boy oh boy…. So here's me unpacking the walk and journey as a creative who loves Jesus and really just trying to figure this out. 

When I moved, I knew this was a dream. This was something I’ve always wanted, and I was also starting to see everything unfold before my eyes. Everything was falling into place. I secured 2 clients. My flight was inexpensive, my parents were supporting me and everyone around me was speaking life into me and honestly even reaffirming me on my decision. Great. So this was my clear sign of a green light. 

 The thing is this was the first time that I was MOVING to a place that for me was once a vacation, so I didn’t realize how much of a “glamourized” way I was looking at this. I’d never moved out as an adult until this point so there was a lot of unfamiliar territory that I was walking into. I was also going into the first season of fully working for myself, in a new state, and again…enduring the toll entrepreneurship can take especially not having a “cushion.” Gratefully, my parents along with my family members in NY made the move simpler, with the support, moving in with family, etc. So you’re probably wondering what the big deal was then… 

Well, stepping into a season where trusting God on a different level of surrender was also new for me. I talked more about this in my post about “Yielding” but in a nut shell, I learned for a fact that God prepared and equipped me mentally and spiritually for this time. Because I’ve had to lean into the Lord differently, I’ve had to learn what it looks like to not know what’s going to happen next, give it to Him and be okay with it. I had to learn what it meant to truly relinquish control and trust my provider. 

Sounds simple right? But let’s go back to where I mentioned that God definitely prepared me for this season. God is intentional with His children, and just like a parents wouldn’t prematurely allow their child to venture off into a new endeavour without the trust to know that they’ve equipped and empowered them, God is also not reckless and will do the same for His children. 

It took me a while to process this and realize this, because I did go through a time where I also got a little too boastful (unknowingly) about my walk and found myself back tracking in my seeking the Lord, and my habits that allowed me to draw near to Him. Little by little, I found myself getting distant from the Lord and thankfully, it didn’t last too long. Thankfully this was when I had a community around me that was willing to call that out of me(more on that in another conversation). Therefore, I also had a friend who called me out on the “confidence” I carried in, probably not “compromising” on my values. I brought that to the Lord, repented, and never again. I say this to say that we will never be capable of “good” on our own, that’s why we needed Jesus to save us. So it’s important to realize that the decision is made daily. Pick up, and follow Him. – “Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me.”‭‭Luke‬ ‭9‬:‭23

What I needed to learn in this time was that days will be hard, I was going to “mess up”, I am incapable of perfection. So WHEN I messed up, would I bring it to the Lord, or will I allow it to distance me from my Father? 

When I say God was preparing me, I am in no way alluding to the idea that I’ve “figured it all out” or that I wouldn’t encounter the hard moments. I am saying however, I’ve stepped into a new level of understanding my INABILITY to “have it all together.” I had to learn how incapable I am, in order to be capable of more. This took and takes surrender like I’ve never surrendered before. 

This is an ongoing journey that I am still navigating and walking through. This is only the beginning. Like I said, I just got here 3 months ago tomorrow(the 21st), and everything I’ve already wrestled with and am currently wrestling with only excites me for what’s to come. 

I can honestly say that I rest assured in the fact that there’s beauty in the uncertainty when you’re leaving it in the hands of a good Father. There’s beauty in knowing that in whatever journey it may be, your story is written.

Continue to seek Him 

Continue to ask Him

Continue to get to know His voice 

Draw near, surrender the unknown, steward what He has given you AND don’t forget to put in the work. 

With love, until next time friends! 

XOXO