You're Not Jealous, You're Just Scared

The internal work of understanding your comparison habit

If you’re reading this you’re likely a creative, a writer yourself, an entrepreneur, a believer, or all of the above (whether you are or not, HEY FRIEND happy you’re here). No matter where you land in your reason for reading, I’m sure you’ve been a victim of comparison once or twice. I’m sure you’ve looked at others in the same or similar fields and wonder why you haven’t achieved your version of “success.” Well, babe…I’m right there with you. BUT have you ever noticed that this comparison feeling almost always creeps up in the times where we are in the middle of a transition season, or a planting season? 

We don’t usually sit and compare our success when we feel that we are being validated for our efforts, but instead it haunts us in the moments where we feel like we’re being overlooked. We experience it in the moments where you feel that maybe you’re even doing a “better” job than some others, and how it isn’t fair. Well, needless to say I’ve also been a victim to this way of thinking. I had to take a step back and ask myself where it was stemming from, though. I had to ask myself what that said about my need for validation. Because the real question wasn’t a matter of “why them and not me” but instead, it was a question of which master am I serving? 

I won’t sit here and give you a whole spiel on how success shouldn’t be a priority, because let’s be honest…even God knows we’ve gotta make a living, right? But the thing that I’ve had to and am still wrestling with is this: If I know that I am called or gifted in something, then it’s from God. And if I’m doing the work God has called me to do…then why am I comparing myself to others? The truth of the matter is that I had to reevaluate not only my heart but also my work ethic. 

Work Ethic

I’ve always been someone that is wired to work hard, wired to set my mind to something. Taking the Working Genius model assessment, I learned that tenacity is actually a zone of genius for me, when I actually in fact thought the opposite. See, I’ve always been a ‘hard worker” but I used to (and still do sometimes) get on myself about my inability to stay on track or how I would get discouraged mid project and want to throw in the towel. What I learned is that I had to learn and understand what balance was in the respect of work. I needed to learn the time for work, and the time for leisure. I had to learn to set boundaries for when it was time to lollygag and time focus. I also had to learn when to start, and more importantly when to stop…because by setting those definitive times, it taught me to know when to hone into my work. This was an interesting discovery for me walking into entrepreneurship because I’ve always had an entrepreneurial spirit and way of thinking, but I’d never been able to walk in it entirely. Now that I was, I realized that this was also something that God was going to use to refine me. 

I share this to say that I found that a lot of my frustration and comparing myself to others was because I was lacking. It was rooted in knowing that, truthfully, I wasn’t doing my part. I would give up when things got hard, I would allow distraction to intervene, I would lose traction as soon as I saw or felt resistance. I would say that my need to “compare” was actually coming as a form of deflecting. Instead of realizing that I was actually putting a lid on my abilities, and hindering my own success, I would just get upset that other people were leveling up and stepping into places that I’d been dreaming of. I was deflecting the fact that I was doing it all wrong. I want to also mention that this was very subconscious. I didn’t realize I was doing this until I sat back and analyzed myself. 

In my subconscious I would see other people’s success while I was doom scrolling, or pushing off a task on my calendar just because I could, and then get discouraged when I saw someone getting an opportunity or hitting a milestone that I wanted, then get upset, then discouraged and stop, then the cycle would continue.

Heart Posture

Understanding and processing my own work ethic was the MY part. But how I postured my heart was being receptive to HIS part. God makes no mistakes, and His timing is perfect. Realizing that I need to steward the assignment well was important, because God will always show up. So if He gave me the vision, and the assignment, it was going to happen but not without me doing the leg work. I had to learn to show up, with a heart that trusted my Father. Trusting Him to be the one to take care of me and give me the strength to keep going even WHEN I come across some resistance. Rather than throwing in the towel. 

Seeking validation from the one that gave you the dream…

When you have a regular job, your boss will assign a task, and it’s your job to get it done within a timely fashion, right? So why is it that when God assigns you to a season of life, a project, a mission, we think it’s okay to do it when we please and be lenient about it??? → calling myself out here

Realistically we have no right to be upset when we’re not where we “want” to be, if we’re too busy looking at others and forget to keep our head where it needs to be.  

So if you’re someone who is struggling with comparison too, then maybe it’s time for a life audit. 

Where is your head supposed to be? 

Are you showing up as your best self? 

Are you treating this area with the reverence it deserves? 

Are you stewarding your time well? 

The good news is that there is grace, however, grace is not to be abused. The vision is in your heart, and God makes no mistakes, so guess what?? 

You. Are. More. Than. Capable. But not without Him.